Being unemployed during a global pandemic has brought on some old anxieties, anxieties I thought I tossed away or at least pushed to the back of the closet with my middle school tees.
I’ve been sitting on my sofa with a want to write, a want to further myself but at the same time my fingers fail to procure the words I’m thinking and a nap seems like the better option with every passing second.
I’ve always had anxiety, at this point it isn’t me having something, it is just a part of who I am. As I got older it didn’t get better but it subsided due to everything else invading my mind and being.
When I worked, I got stuck in a rut of doing things to fulfill my daily, weekly, monthly, etc. goals. While the rut was constricting, it kept me going. I had a routine and nothing ever pushed me out of this routine I had going, I was comfortable.
Then I lost my job while the world is in turmoil. A global pandemic was anxiety inducing enough, add in a loss of income and my daily schedule, well hello soul crushing anxiety.
I bring you back to my point of sitting on the sofa not knowing what to do or how to do what I want. My body is in a constant battle with my mind; my mind is even battling itself!
I thought these anxieties were gone, but they’re not, and that is okay. My anxieties are a part of who I am. And anxiety during this tumultuous time doesn’t make me any less. But I’m using this time to better understand my anxieties and figure out ways to help myself – and probably go back to therapy.
This is quite an anxiety inducing time, and I hope all of you have been getting the support you need.